Sunday, March 21, 2010

Miss Pronounced

G.B.Shaw once stated that'England and America are seperated by their common language'.If he were alive and adventurous enough to travel across the length and breadth of our country, i am sure he would be a trifle confused at the legacy left behind by the British, making English the first language of the literate Indians today.The accent and pronounciation prevailing across the country would undoubtedly leave him mother tongue tied.
I have lived in several States of the country and in terms of mispronounciation, Punjab and Bengal topped the charts..In a small town of Punjab i had the 'plaiyer'of interacting with some S-kool teachers.I was told that while naming the parts of the body , a five yr old child pointed to his leg when asked where his 'tongue' was.Tung in punjabi means the leg!!On another occasion while being taught plurals a child retorted the plural of duck was ducka!!To my amusement a Bengali clerk was always handing me a 'Shit of paper',and believe me he was not referring to toilet paper!
When i started my school six years back , i was on the lookout for a facilitator.The applications i receieved and the interviews i conducted convinced me that the top honours belong to my State of Residence..
Mostly all applications i received were addressed to 'Dear Sir/Madam,as the case may be!They were signed off with your humble servant,genuine regards as also requestingly yours!The one which caught my eye was someone 'humbly offering her humble self to your gracious self to put into services as you please , I will obey and live up to all your expectations'!!For a longtime i wondered if it was a proposal or an application!!
An English hons graduate from a local college had cited 'Bedminton' as one of her hobbies.Her favourite author was 'Sexspeare'!She told me she liked'Romeo and Juliet', and when i asked her what really appealed to her about this play she mumbled..'means, it is like Laila Majnu'!
When i asked a History topper to tell me the historical significance of the town, she failed to comprehend the question and after delving into her mental archives for a longtime came up with what can be termed as the briefest answer in history 'Buddh Bhagwan!
After many such responses I decided to keep my line of questioning simple and related to the school,so i asked one of the candidates to recite their favourite nursery rhyme.The rhyme went like this..'Chubby chiksh, deempel cheen';Rojee leepsh tith weetheen.Curly hayer bhery fayer. eyej are blue lubhly too,teachers pate is that you, yase yase, yase!! My whole being cried out No, No No..But looking back i am grateful for this recitation as it introduced me to the rudiments of 'Bihari mispronounciation'.
In this State people throw sleepers at each other and fall aslip.The most popular animals in the joo are ziraffe and jebra!The favourite mode of transport is a bhan.I had a girl who spelt her name as 'Niva', her parents had named her 'Nibha'.The brightest from this State is capable of winning a Nobel Prize only if he pulls up his shocks! If you really want to seek vendetta just ask them to say'she sells ,sea shells on the sea shore'.
I have taken it upon myself to work with my staff on their pronounciation and everytime they pick up a book and read i have a 'hurtattack'!

3 comments:

  1. 'humbly offering her humble self to your gracious self to put into services as you please , I will obey and live up to all your expectations'!!

    - Wow Shubh what an offer! Makes me wonder about your sexual orientation. Lol.... I have a Bihari working in my office as well and I have to control myself and play the part of a serious superior without bursting out laughing at some of his so called "Pronenciazion"

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  2. I could not agree more with G.B. Shaw's statement: "England and America are seperated by their common language"

    English is not 'english' everywhere ! But I can imagine it is quite amusing to hear english all over India the way you have...... :)

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  3. This is not just a Bihari disease Recently I attended our Faculty Development Programme meant to train the trainers of State Bank in the nuances of teaching adults. We were 36 of us ,all senior officers of the bank from all states of India and would you believe it at least 30 amongst us had wrong pronunciations what we very politely called “Mother Tongue Influence”

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